michael wrote: Hello, Drew. Do you have a spellchecker? That might be a good starting point, for future reference. It's always a little confusing when Victor becomes victore, and Mama goes around washing her fae with water. Then, a book on fiction writing where you will learn that "said" is not a dirty word. No need for reproaching, stuttering, vocalising, confusing, or stating, never mind gasping. And pseudo-cryptic and "meaningful" stories like this can, I suspect, be found at the back of the diaries of most misunderstood teenagers. To quote from Stephen Morrissey, It says nothing to me about my life. It would also appear to think it's far more clever than it actually is. "Mother has erotic experience from waking up next to daughter's corpse."Yes. That noise you hear is the Unfeasibilityometer. It goes up to eleven. I trade you a link for a link.. this is also worth reading at some point. "Honestly, these words are written solely for the sexual pleasure obtained from the writing punctuation ."** makes no sense. "In an imaginary world were commas become pubic hairs,"** "where", for f**k's sake, "where". "these stories have become inspirational for new and similar writing styles."** what? It's new, but there are already similar styles? "It is also pure joy to have a quick peek to one of the newest fetishes of the internet: asciiphilia." ** Yeah.

Alaric wrote: Hurry up on that computer. Daddy's home.

Alaric wrote: Fucking Shit Yep. This and the first story both.

Miki wrote: Al, you waste too much toil and ardour on undeserving people. If this guy was paying any attention to your comments, he would have replied to them by now.

Patrick Null wrote: But it's still fun though, isn't it?

Alaric wrote: Heh. Curses, Dastardly. You saw through me.

Patrick Null wrote: Michael, hats off to you for getting through this. I couldn't even get past the first sentence.

Miki wrote: Nits first, general comments at end. Don't need that first paragraph. It's better to let the story tell itself. I also don't like the way the paragraph is worded, and can elaborate if you ask.The general rule is to keep one speaker per paragraph. Only masters of the art should break that rule. One of the first rules is "show, don't tell." So don't tell me that he is a simple man with little virtue. Depict his simplicity and if he has vices, depict him indulging them.I have a hard time picturing someone exhaust a sentence. How about "said?" Honestly? This story is almost unreadable because of the way it is structured, and the content is like stuff I used to write in ninth grade. I hope the few basic pointers above are of some help.

Alaric wrote: Pathetic garbage, constructed ineptly just to shock - at which it fails.

Woodshifter wrote: This is my killfile. Make yourself at home.

Alaric wrote: I know this is a mistake, but I'll spend two seconds taking you seriously, Drew. Stories of this nature are discouraged.

Patrick Null wrote: I didn't even take that long, so kudos to you, Alaric. :-)

Alaric wrote: Porn, and pretty bad, cardboard, predictable uninspiring porn at that. Bugger off.

Electric Angel wrote: This would be a fantastic story if you got rid of all the words and punctuation.

Carl Edgar wrote: yeah-nuthin like a soupcon of cinema verite (just imagine the acute accent on the OK) actually the term is jilling (or jillin') when a woman pleasures herself or is manually pleasured by young Lochinvar riding in from the west.

Alaric wrote: Mindless badly written violence instead of mindless badly written porn, eh? I hope your mummy doesn't know how to check what you've been doing on that computer.

Alaric wrote: End Of Term Report D-. Spelling and grammar still at two year old level. Still not concentrating on his schoolwork and far too keen on attention seeking. Tries to shock people all the time, but the other kids aren't impressed. Needs focus. Spends too much time in the toilet with ladies' underwear catalogues and shorts round his ankles. This is crap, by the way.

bonnie wrote: All these ppl are idiots.

From: Squad BULLSHIT! if you name a website ASCII Pr0n you'd damn well better have some ASCII ART porn! very disappointing.

she faked it. ECWJon That's right, the ECWJon.

It's the old problem. If the story is good enough to sell, aren't you better off trying to sell it to a paying market, rather than posting it out in public and hosing your first serial rights? And if it isn't good enough to sell, do you really want it to appear in public? With your name on it??? Dorothy J. Heydt

A lot of people write amateur fiction as a hobby and publish it online. They have fun, and sometimes other people have fun reading it. I can't see any harm in any part of this. After all, we're all writing non-fiction here and not trying to get paid for it. Nancy Lebovitz

After all, we're all writing non-fiction here and not trying to get paid for it. I've been meaning to talk to you about that: you still owe me for last October. Lee

I had to physically stop myself from starting to MISTify it. Sad to say, because the author is much better as a wordsmith than the young Jim Theis, the prose just unintentionally evokes the wrong images. From the point where I envisioned Cecelia thumping the skin of the mango to see if it was ripe, I was lost... --Craig

From: Ross Presser Suddenly, you are seized roughly and dumped into a large meat processing machine. *** You have been Scrappelized ***

Entertaining, but unfortunately, not too realistic. Sincerely, Gene Wirchenko

He's posting porn. For porn to be called erotica, it needs to be erotic, and at least IMO that sample was about as erotic as a slap about the face with a wet kipper. And I'm not English, so no, that's not erotic. Richard

I hope you realise that, by posting this to you have lost effective control over it? Especially since you have not claimed overt copyright. Peter Ashby

there is no need to claim it. You are right about effective control though! If somebody were to collect postings to the internet and publish them as a book without permission from the authors that person would be open to being sued for breach of copyright. Peter H.M. Brooks